When It’s Time to Change Your Pediatrician or Doctor
It happened again.
A mother reached out to me, desperate for advice on multilingualism. Confused and concerned, she wrote:
"Karin, I was wondering if you could help me. My daughter is growing up with two languages—language X at home and language Y at school. But the doctor said we should focus on just one because she is a bit slow in learning the local language, and they believe that reducing exposure to multiple languages will help her catch up faster. They even suggested I start speaking language Y at home. How can I? I’m still learning it and I don’t feel comfortable!"
You won’t believe it, but I receive these kinds of messages all the time. Having worked in different countries—especially in Europe—I've encountered similar advice. I often wonder: how can a pediatrician, speech therapist, or doctor ask a parent to stop speaking to their child in the language that connects them? It’s baffling and frustrating.
Persistent Myths About Multilingualism
At this point, many of us know that there are still myths and misconceptions about growing up multilingual. These ideas are deeply rooted and difficult to challenge. That’s why I never get tired of my public engagement work—it’s crucial to keep spreading awareness.
Let’s make one thing clear: research does not support the idea that dropping one language will help a child learn another more quickly. The suggestion that you can only succeed in learning the school language by sacrificing the home language is simply false. You cannot learn one language at the expense of the other—it doesn’t work that way.
What Are the Costs of Dropping a Language?
You may ask, “What’s the harm in focusing on just one language?” The answer is: a lot. If you remove one of the child’s languages, you are not only disrupting communication but also depriving them of a key tool for learning about the world and expressing their emotions. A child’s social and emotional skills develop through the languages they use, and eliminating one language can have long-term consequences. Their sense of identity is at stake.
And let’s not forget the family connections. I remember a mother from one of my workshops in Austria sharing her story with the group:
"I gave up. My son is now 17, and it’s devastating to see that he can’t communicate with his grandmother. My mother is getting older, and she’s starting to forget things. But they can't have a conversation—they don’t speak the same language."
This story isn’t unique. I’ve heard versions of it over and over. Parents who regret following bad advice, realizing too late that their child has lost a meaningful connection to their family. These consequences are painful and, in some cases, irreversible.
The Hidden Bias in Language Advice
Have you ever heard a doctor advise an English-speaking parent to stop using English at home so the child can learn the school language faster? Of course not. That’s the issue—not all languages are treated equally. When a doctor suggests abandoning a family language, it’s often because that language is seen as low status or lacking prestige.
This is what we call the dichotomy of 'elite bilingualism' versus 'folk bilingualism.' If the child speaks a high-status language—one that is economically valuable or widely admired—it’s considered an advantage. But if the child grows up speaking a language that is unfamiliar, spoken by a minority, or seen as unimportant, the response is different:
An Austrian doctor might tell a Chechen mother to stop speaking Chechen at home so the child can focus on German.
An Italian doctor might tell a Senegalese mother to stop using Wolof with her child.
A British doctor might suggest to an Italian mother to stop speaking Italian at home.
The list goes on. This isn’t about science—it’s about bias and prejudice. The message is: “Some languages are valuable, and others are not.” Children who grow up hearing this message will eventually believe it. They’ll start to feel ashamed of their heritage language and ask their parents not to use it in public. They’ll lose interest in the language, stop speaking it, and, over time, forget it.
Linguistic Discrimination: The Elephant in the Room
This is linguistic discrimination—the elephant in the room that many people don’t want to confront. And it’s not new. If we look at the history of migration, we find countless examples of languages being banned, discouraged or even systematically erased.
What’s different today is that we have research proving the benefits of multilingualism. We also live in the age of AI and technology, with tools that were unimaginable 50 years ago. We have access to incredible resources and dedicated professionals working tirelessly to share the findings of these studies. And yet, outdated advice persists. Doctors are still telling parents to drop one of their child’s languages.
When to Change Your Doctor
If your doctor or speech therapist is advising you to drop a language, it’s time to find a new one. Here are some clear signs that a change is needed:
They recommend dropping one of your family languages.
They insist that focusing on one language is better for your child’s development.
They show a lack of respect for your language or cultural background.
They are not trained in multilingualism. (Yes, you can ask them about their training.)
What the Research Says
Let’s summarize some key findings from research:
Bilingualism enhances cognitive, emotional, and social development. Studies show that speaking multiple languages improves problem-solving skills, creativity, and mental flexibility.
Maintaining heritage languages strengthens identity and emotional well-being. Children need to feel that all parts of their identity are valued, including their linguistic heritage.
Speech and language therapy supports multilingualism. Experts advise families to maintain all of their languages rather than dropping one.
Code-switching builds communication skills. Multilingual children develop advanced communication abilities by switching between languages, a skill that fosters adaptability and resilience.
Linguistic insecurity can arise from dropping a language. If children feel that their native language is inferior, it can harm their self-esteem and discourage them from speaking it.
Conclusion
Language is more than just a way to communicate—it’s a connection to identity, family, and culture. If a doctor or therapist suggests dropping one of your family’s languages, don’t hesitate to seek a second opinion. Your child’s emotional well-being, cognitive development, and cultural connection are too important to be compromised by outdated advice.
If you want to dive deeper into how you can support your multilingual child and navigate the challenges of raising them in a multilingual environment, check out my book:
"Watch Your Language, Mom! A Guide To Multilingualism."
In it, I share research-backed insights, practical tips, and personal stories that will help you confidently embrace multilingualism for your family.
References
Bialystok, E. (2011). Reshaping the mind: The benefits of bilingualism. Canadian Journal of Experimental Psychology, 65(4), 229–235.
Cummins, J. (2000). Language, power, and pedagogy: Bilingual children in the crossfire. Multilingual Matters.
Grosjean, F. (2010). Bilingual: Life and reality. Harvard University Press.
Paradis, J. (2007). Bilingual children with specific language impairment: Theoretical and applied issues. Applied Psycholinguistics, 28(4), 551–564.
De Houwer, A. (2009). Bilingual first language acquisition. Multilingual Matters.