What’s the Hardest Part About Raising a Multilingual Child?
Parents Share Their Struggles, and Solutions
Raising a multilingual child is a rewarding but complex journey. Many parents expect it to come naturally, believing that children will “soak up” languages like sponges. But as a recent LinkedIn poll and real-life conversations show, the reality is much more nuanced.
What the Community Says: A LinkedIn Poll
A few weeks ago, I ran a poll on LinkedIn asking: If you had to face only one of these multilingual parenting challenges, which would it be?
Here are the results from the 30 participants:
Understands but won’t speak – 43%
Suddenly refuses one language – 27%
Teachers say it’s confusing – 27%
Family discourages languages – 3%
The poll triggered a wave of insights, shared experiences, and supportive discussions. In this article, I’d like to explore each of these challenges more deeply, what they reveal about multilingual parenting today, and what you can do if you’re facing one of them.
1. Understands but Won’t Speak (43%)
This was the most common response. And it's something I hear often from parents: “My child understands everything but never answers in the language!”
This phenomenon is known as passive bilingualism. It’s not unusual, especially in environments where one language dominates at school or in society. But it can also cause concern for parents who feel their child is “losing” their heritage language.
👂 Why does it happen?
Children may associate different languages with different contexts. If they never need to speak a language, they might not.
They might feel shy, self-conscious, or worried about making mistakes.
Sometimes, there's no real opportunity to speak that language, no peer group, no fun context, no encouragement.
💡 Tips to support speaking:
Use the language in engaging, pressure-free contexts: play, songs, and rituals like bedtime stories.
Reduce correction and increase encouragement. If your child says something, celebrate it, even if it’s “wrong.”
Introduce other speakers of the language into their life: cousins, friends, online playgroups, or babysitters.
🗣️ One parent commented that their child rarely speaks the home language but suddenly spoke a 10-minute monologue in it during a holiday visit. This so-called “trigger moment” isn’t rare, it often happens when the child finally feels context, confidence, or emotional connection.
2. Suddenly Refuses One Language (27%)
The second most frequent challenge was sudden rejection of a language the child used to speak.
This can be painful. One day your child chats in your language; the next, they say, “Don’t speak to me in that language anymore.”
🌪️ Why does this happen?
Peer pressure or embarrassment (e.g. in school or public settings)
Feeling “different” and wanting to fit in
Association with stress or conflict (e.g. a language becomes associated with rules or corrections)
💡 Tips for re-engaging:
Step back and observe, don’t panic. Sometimes it’s temporary.
Rebuild emotional connection with the language: use it for play, hugs, jokes, or songs.
Accept some passive periods. Language learning is a spiral, not a straight line.
🎥 If you’re navigating a similar situation, the recording of the parent seminar with multilingual speech therapist Sofia Zelu is now available. It includes case studies and tools for families facing these exact situations.
3. Teachers Say It’s Confusing (27%)
Many families shared that educators told them raising a child with multiple languages would confuse them.
🚨 This is a persistent myth that’s not supported by science.
Decades of research show that bilingualism doesn’t cause confusion. Children are capable of learning multiple languages from a very early age. But educators may not always be trained in this area, and parents are left doubting themselves.
💡 What to do:
Gently share research and expert resources with your child’s teacher (I can help you with this 😉).
Explain your family’s strategy clearly: “We speak X at home, school is in Y, and we support both.”
Find allies: other families, school psychologists, or parent associations who understand multilingual development.
4. Family Discourages Languages (3%)
While this option was chosen less frequently in the poll, it sparked some powerful private messages and comments.
Often, it’s well-meaning grandparents or extended family who say, “Don’t confuse the child,” or “Just speak the language of the country.”
💡 How to respond:
Reassure them: children can learn more than one language without harm.
Share your “why”: explain why your heritage language matters to you, emotionally and culturally.
Involve them: ask them to help you with songs, stories, or games in the family language.
🔁 In one consultation, a mother told me her child refused to speak their home language because “it’s embarrassing.” When we explored this more deeply, we realized it was tied to how the language was valued in the community. Together, we built new routines, and her child started to speak it again.
Additional Challenges Raised in the Comments
Several valuable reflections emerged in the comments section of the poll.
One person shared the difficulty of sticking to one language at home due to the family defaulting to a shared non-native language in social contexts. The solution they found was to intentionally find “extra moments” for the other language during the day, like reading or short conversations.
Another user described how simply switching back into their heritage language through a smile or gesture would help guide conversations back, and that being intentional was key.
These stories highlight that language isn’t just a tool, it’s deeply tied to identity, habit, and emotional connection.
So, What Can We Learn?
What this poll shows is that every family’s multilingual journey is unique, but the struggles are often shared.
And yet, these challenges don’t mean you’re doing it wrong. They mean you’re trying something incredibly meaningful: giving your child the gift of languages, identity, and connection.
Whether your child doesn’t speak, suddenly stops, or is navigating mixed messages at school, remember this:
✨ Multilingual parenting is a long game. You don’t need perfection, you need consistency, support, and love.
Practical Strategies for Parents
Here are some ideas I often share during my consultations:
Build rituals in the home language (e.g., Friday movie night, bedtime stories, Sunday phone calls with relatives).
Honor the child’s emotions around language use, don’t force, invite.
Model joyful language use, children follow emotional energy more than rules.
Find or create community for minority languages: playgroups, online friends, storytime in your language.
A Final Reflection
If your child isn’t speaking a language today, that doesn’t mean they never will. Language development is not linear. Children’s motivation, environment, and emotional safety all play a role.
Let’s replace pressure with confidence.
Let’s swap guilt for strategy.
Let’s choose encouragement over perfection.
✨ If you found this article helpful, the recording of my parent seminar with multilingual speech therapist Sofia Zelu is now available!
In this session, we cover real-life strategies, address parent questions, and offer guidance on how to support your child, no matter what language challenges you’re facing.
